Human connections: the art of Active Listening

Have you ever talked to someone knowing that you had their complete attention? That they were utterly engaged in what you were saying, and hanging on every word. That’s called active listening.

Active listening is an extremely beneficial communication skill that’s so much more than simply ‘hearing’ words that someone else speaks. It is about leaning into the conversation, and surrendering yourself, and your ego, and understanding the other person. It’s about processing, understanding the real meaning, and then responding in a genuine way.

Active by name, active by nature

As its name suggest, active listening takes some effort. And to ‘actively’ use certain techniques or action to really hear someone takes time and practice. But it’s 100% worth it.

At work, for example, being an active listener is a superpower. If you’re a leader, then teams really respond positively when they feel as though you’re actually trying to understand their point of view. It shows you have patience, empathy and that you’re on their side. Imagine if you were sharing information with someone, and they simply nodded mechanically while sneaking a look at their phone. It would be so disrespectful. Being present and in the moment really shows people that they are being heard.

Of course, a quality like effective active listening can benefit your whole life, not just work. It can lead to healthier personal relationships too. A partner, husband, wife, child… Whoever it might be, active listening shows you want to understand them better. It selflessly gives the other person space and time to offer opinions or even share fears. Active listening is particularly useful when someone is going through a challenging time, although you mustn’t be tempted to ‘fix’ the problem. Sometimes it’s enough for someone to know that you’re with them, sitting in the mud, agreeing that life can be rotten sometimes.

Okay, so we all agree that active listening is pretty amazing, right? But how do we do it? We’ve pulled together six tips on what you need to do to be an Active Listener Pro.

1 Be there

Sounds obvious, right? But there’s a difference between being there physically, and being their mentally. Active listening demands that you’re utterly and completely engaged. We’ve all had conversations when your mind suddenly shuffles off to dinner options, or what would happen in a fight between a shark and a crocodile. That is not active listening. You need to be fully invested in the world of the person who is talking.

2 It’s all in the eyes

A great way of keeping in the moment and demonstrating interest is to maintain eye contact. But be beware, if you stare all the time it could come across as a bit, well, sinister. Try and hold eye contact for between 50%-70% of the listening time, and remember to look away at some points.

3 Actions speak louder than words

Listening isn’t just about hearing words. Did you know around 65% of communication is unspoken? Physical actions can tell you a lot about what people are trying to say without actually saying it. Defensive crossing of arms, for example. Or nervous fidgeting. Watch for the signs. And at the same time, make sure the signals you’re giving out are open and encouraging. Lean in to reinforce interest, smile while listening, and nod at the important points.

4 Use mirrors

Not literally of course. We mean repeat what you have heard back to the person. If someone tells you that they’re feeling angry, you could say, ‘So I can see you’re feeling annoyed about this situation’. This technique shows you’ve listened, understood, and processed their thoughts. Empathy is a powerful tool.

5 Say no to yes and no

If you ask questions, try to avoid ones that can produce ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. These are conversational cul-de-sacs. There’s nowhere to take the conversation as the amount of information you’ll be getting will be minimal. One of the skills of a tip-top active listener is to use open ended questions. What did you think about that? Why did you feel that way? What had she done to hurt you? This level of curiosity also tells the person that you are invested in their story. You get the idea.

6 Don’t judge
This is sooo important. If you’ve ever been to a counsellor or a therapist, you’ll know that at no point do they ever give their own opinions. Never ever. They remain neutral. By staying non-judgmental in the conversation, you can not only build trust, but you can create an environment where the other person can speak freely without feelings of guilt, shame or remorse.

Here at Be Human Collective, we love exploring human behaviours. And we’ve seen the impact empathy and making genuine connections can have at work and home. To find out what we can do for you and your organisation, please get in touch.

Thanks,

Be Human Collective.

A HUMAN MADE THIS

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